I Yelled At God Today

26 May

I yelled at God today. I feel horrible and ashamed. I accused God of not caring and loving others like Pat Robertson and Joyce Meyer more than He loves me. I have been waiting years for healing, months for financial blessing, for a breakthrough. Instead satan has been attacking me. I have more physical symptoms. They keep me awake nights. For 50 years I have needed  health, wholeness, strength. For more than 25 years I have prayed for healing in my body Instead it gets worse, progressive. Still God asks me to wait.

 

In the beginning it wasn’t difficult. I kept busy by working, watching Christian TV and reading books by Christian authors. I prayed all day and got spiritually fed through the Scriptures. But then the days turned into weeks which turned into months and I never heard God speak in that still small voice. Never heard Him call me by name.

 

I watch the 700 Club and witness the healing of others. I was happy for them initially. Then it turned into self pity. “What about me God? Have you forgotten me?” Satan is always whispering. “God doesn’t care about you! You will never get healed!” Then I remember what Job’s bitter wife said: “Curse God and die!” Satan was having a field day and I was an emotional roller coaster. Full of hope one day, angry and discouraged the next.

 

One night when I couldn’t sleep I listened to a lady on TV say that God can restore 30 years in 30 minutes. So I asked Him to restore 50 years in 50 minutes. The lady said to ask God for a do-over. I did. Yet God has been silent and I wonder if I can wait any longer. Don’t let me give up, Jesus!

 

Joyce Meyer gives spiritual pep talks. I believe that’s her calling. To encourage depressed believers. So I watch her every morning at 8. She says: “Never give up! Your breakthrough is around the corner!”  Gotta love the woman! So for months I was gung-ho. In love with God and His vision for my life. Every day I woke up expecting something wonderful to happen. Expecting a good report either personally or from someone I love. I prayed for a divine intervention. I was full of so much expectation and excitement that I could hardly contain it. I felt as if I would burst out of my skin. Hurry, God! Please hurry! I did all the things these Christian teachers/preachers said to do. I was obedient. I believed. My faith grew. I claimed every one of God’s promises.

 

Then one day I got burned-out. I went dry. The anticipation disappeared. Where are you God?

“I am right here, son.”

 

I will never again yell at God.

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2 Responses to “I Yelled At God Today”

  1. vegasjessie May 26, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

    Sorry bud. Pretty sure there isn’t anyone listening “upstairs”. May you get healthy & well soon.

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